he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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