I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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