HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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