Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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