and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
