It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
