I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
