I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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