So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
