It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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