somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
