; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
