Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
