Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
