i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
