yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
