one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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