getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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