brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
