I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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