dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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