I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
