I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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