I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
