When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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