I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
