Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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