for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
