Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
