with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
