i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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