her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
