The maid of honor just puked.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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