I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
