We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
