Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're like the curious george of whores
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
