I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
