I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
