This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
