By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
