I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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