Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
