just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
