i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
