now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A bitchslap is in order.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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