K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
