just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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