M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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