i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
