How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ketchup is God's man juice
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
