called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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