Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
