i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
