Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
