i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
two words...techno handjob
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
