i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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