I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
