Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
