I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
