Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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