everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
