Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
