Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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