Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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