i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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