If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
