somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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