hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
