fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
