I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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