I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
