oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
